At a Halloween party October that is last Gomez-Barris, dressed as a flamenco dancer, create a plate of her do-it-yourself guacamole and examined regarding the boiling pot of fresh corn into the kitchen area. She’d recently separated from her husband of 12 years, additionally the friends streaming in now had been wanting to satisfy her brand brand brand new love, whom, with this evening, had been the pirate when you look at the hat that is three-cornered pumpkins outside. After her wedding separated in 2007, number of those that knew Gomez-Barris had thought she’d be solitary for long—”a catch, ” they called her—and they certainly were appropriate.

An animated 38-year-old, Gomez-Barris did actually get it all—a brilliant job, two kids, striking looks. Her family had arrive at the usa from Chile whenever she had been 2 to flee Augusto Pinochet’s armed forces dictatorship and also to pursue the traditional dream that is american. While learning on her behalf master’s level at UC Berkeley, she came across a charismatic exile that is chilean fiction journalist known as Roberto Leni at a salsa club in bay area. “We had immediate chemistry, in which he had been my true love, ” Gomez-Barris claims. They married and eight years later on had their child that is first son.

The difficulty started when they relocated to Los Angeles, where their child came to be and Gomez-Barris’s scholastic profession became popular in the University of Southern Ca. Leni spent their times looking after the home and kids. “I became within the more effective role, ” says Gomez-Barris, a PhD and an associate professor into the sociology and US studies and ethnicity divisions. “I made additional money and had been struggling to balance might work and house life. “

“Immersed, ” is how Leni places it. “She lived and breathed USC. All her buddies had been teachers, and finally I became obsolete. “

Their ideals that are noble clashed with day-to-day realities. “some body had to value earning profits to guide our house, ” claims Gomez-Barris. Despite efforts to save lots of their relationship in guidance, they finished up splitting.

Solitary once again at 36, Gomez-Barris dated a few guys, none really. “these people were not very clear on by themselves inside their professions or economically, ” she claims. “It ended up being a period of genuine research and independence that is personal and I also became extremely logical concerning the sorts of partner we desired and needed”—someone, she hoped, that would match her intellectual aspirations but additionally look after her kiddies.

At a celebration one evening final March, Gomez-Barris went into Judith Halberstam, PhD, a teacher of English, United states studies and ethnicity, and gender studies at USC. That they had met in 2004 and admired each other’s scholarly achievements, periodically finding on their own during the campus that is same. But they were seemingly miles apart in their private lives while they shared an affinity for politics and social justice. Halberstam, almost ten years her senior, had been freely homosexual.

That evening, Halberstam, that has also broken up by having a partner of 12 years, spotted Gomez-Barris standing over the room and thought, “Now, there is a very stunning girl. ” “we saw her differently then and developed a huge crush that I have a history of unrequited love with straight women on her, ” says Halberstam. “Yet it made me nervous, given. On the other hand, that you do not select whom you love. “

Gomez-Barris realized that Halberstam had been more attentive to her than typical, even flirtatious. “She got up and provided me with the greater chair, as though she wished to manage me personally. I happened to be struck by that, ” she claims. A couple of weeks later on, Halberstam recommended they’re going away for supper, and once more, Gomez-Barris had been impressed by characteristics she liked. “She decided on a restaurant that is japanese made reservations, picked me personally up inside my place—on time. We felt drawn to her power, her charisma. I happened to be enticed. And she paid the balance. Simply the motion ended up being sexy. She took initiative and had been the absolute most person that is take-charge’d ever came across. “

Intrigued as Gomez-Barris had been, it still never ever took place to her which they will be any thing more than buddies.

A beautiful pink sunset rounding out a perfect evening on a warm spring night in Malibu, after attending a film screening together, Gomez-Barris and Halberstam walked on the beach. They kicked down their footwear and went, laughing, through the tide that is rising. “when this occurs, things had been faced with intercourse, ” Gomez-Barris recalls. Her feelings deepened, and never very very long later, they truly became fans. “It was great, plus it felt comfortable, ” she claims associated with the evening they first became intimate. ” just exactly What blew me personally away had been that later, Judith held us to her upper body. Thus I got passion, closeness, and sweetness. And I also thought, ‘possibly i could get most of the things we want now. ‘”